Why Christians Do Not Accept Grace

I have this theory about Christians..... Some use their religion to have a reason not to look at themselves and their issues. They believe that life is simply black and white; there is no middle ground or grey. All too often they believe that there is just right and wrong and there is no reason to stray from the right of a rule or a circumstance. However, I read in scripture that Jesus was not so much concerned about "right" as the religious people of his time understood it, but more the condition of humanity's soul.
Several times he was confronted by the religious establishments rules, most specifically about keeping the Sabbath. Once he and his disciples were confronted about eating and picking the grain in a field and another time about healing someone on the Sabbath. In both instances, Jesus was not concerned about he letter of the rule or law, but the understanding of the condition of the human soul. It was not only the religious establishment, but also his disciples and others who thought Jesus was breaking the rules. Why do you let this woman wash your feet with her perfume? Why are you eating with that tax collector? Why are you letting an adulterous woman go away free with no condemnation? Why are you forgiving thieves that are hanging with you on a cross? Why are you forgiving Peter who denied you in front of the world? Why is David a man after your heart when he committed adultery and murder? Why did you pick Saul, who killed Christians, to become Paul and preach your gospel to the world? Aren't you concerned about making sure that people do right? Do you not condemn those that do not stick to the letter of the law and "rightness."
Could it be that Jesus came to be the embodiment of grace? He came to show the world what it was like to forgive and not be so caught up with the rules, laws and right? Could it be possible that by living this and showing this to the world, God was showing how the world could be changed? It could be changed one life at a time.
I understand that this is a hard thing for us humans to grasp. We get caught up in out selfish desires, our hurts, our pain and what we think "should" happen. We like to be in control, even when it is obvious that we have no control. We like to give ourselves the perception that if someone else did something the way we thought they ought to, or should, things would be just the way we want them. It is hard for us to give up control, to turn it over to a God that we say we believe is all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving. Christian say they believe that all things work together for good to those who love God, but some have a very hard time making that belief reality. Instead they like to think that they are right and all others are wrong because things did not turn out the way they planned, and if someone would have just done what they wanted it all would be fine. There would be no hurt or pain.
This, I believe, is a wonderful way to justify ourselves and to lay the blame with someone else instead of looking at ourselves and our relationships and asking "how did I contribute to this situation and along with other's responsibilities, what are mine?" Without the acceptance and understanding of grace, Christians miss the essential message of their own faith - Grace is the key that unlocks our selfishness. It makes us realize that we are the undeserved recipient of love, forgiveness and protection beyond measure, if we would only get out of the way and let God control it instead of us.